A tutorial for the transcendental power of female friendships.
20 Bookers descended on the beautiful home of Kellie Brisse located just outside of Pinnacle’s back gate for this month’s meeting. We were delighted to welcome new members, Kat Mackey and Bettie Abio and hope they will join us again. As always, Jean Alexander’s presentation made the book jump off the pages and into our laps and undoubtedly the press will be clamoring for photos from the event, so I have passed along Barbara Creach’s contact information to them. Most loved the novel with a couple straddling the I’m-not-so-sure-fence, but everyone applauded the bond of female friendships, as Oprah Winfrey once said, “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
Jean began with an overview of this novel filled with strong emotions including love, grief, anger, heartbreak, and incredible female friendships. It evoked laughter, tears, and highlighted the power of friends who accepted and embraced each other despite all their quirks. The trifecta of Ali, Liddy, and Max – all high school friends – felt like they were all wrong before the arrival of Josephine Blythe Fox Simms (Feeney) – like a car limping along with three wheels. How could a bigger-than-life personality like Feeney take her own life? But she did. The trio decide that the only way they can cope with their loss is to clearly affirm how much they mean to one another while they are still alive by planning their own funerals. The foursome lived in Sonoma County – Ali Stirling, the first-person narrator, a former pharmaceutical sales rep, and mother of two, was enjoying the good life with husband, Drew, (a saint). Max Greene, married to Spence with no children, was a former prosecutor with anger management issues now working at a driving range collecting golf balls. Artist Liddy Nash left painting behind when she married Jack, a serial cheater, is mother to one healthy child, who endured three brutal miscarriages, and finally the one she carried to term, was born with Down Syndrome.
About the author:
JJ Elliott grew up in Los Altos, California before it was Silicon Valley and remembers fantasizing about how great it would be if everyone had a personal phone to carry around in their pockets. Little did she know it was going to be invented in her own backyard. She graduated from UCLA with a degree in English and has been an advertising copywriter for 20 years. She now lives in the San Francisco Bay area with her husband, two teenage kids, and two poorly trained bulldogs. She loves to read, drink wine, play tennis, and eat cheese. This novel was personal as she lost her mother to suicide at seventeen, spending two years volunteering on the suicide hotlines in L.A. Her life changed when she discovered a book titled Motherless Daughters which gave her permission to grieve, experience loss without the stigma and embrace Hope as her “wise guide.” One reason she wrote this book was her frustration with how suicide is treated in print and on-screen, as a mystery to be solved rather than a multi-layered, complex mental health situation. Her novel doesn’t offer pat answers, it doesn’t explain suicide, instead it depicts the reality of what happens to the people left behind. Books can change lives if they touch a piece of the human condition and in doing so, touch another human heart.
We were asked to put ourselves in the company of Ali, Liddy, and Max on their weekly two-hour island away from life called Wine Wednesdays when this happened.
The girls had always wanted to see the video of Feeney’s wedding, but instead they got a reenactment, and in true form, enter Jean aka Feeney in a white wedding gown, cathedral length veil and a six-foot train escorted by her very conservative, hoity-toity, pageant waving daddy played by Jane Shaw. Feeney was on a mission to get even with the man who said 100 words to her in her entire life and 50 of them were negative. She described her wedding day so hot that she worried she would sweat to death – the best part being what was underneath her dress – pads in her armpits which she removed and recycled on the shoulders of two in the audience (note to self – don’t sit close when Jean is performing, or you might end up wearing a prop!) Right before she arrived at the altar to take the hand of her soon-to-be husband she stopped and whispered into daddy’s ear – most thinking she was saying something endearing and sweet – but she told him she wasn’t wearing any underwear confirming that with the audience with some well-placed half-mooning. The third secret Feeney shared was that daddy died four months after the wedding and her last words to him was about her “going commando.” After the hysteria died down the clan toasted Maxi-pads and their friendships.
Discussion:
Laughter burns calories and after Bookers today with Jean in the driver’s seat, we all should be able to indulge in a slice of German chocolate cake with ice cream. For a novel that deals with suicide and funerals, the skill of the author lifted it into a celebration of life with an important message…if you or someone you know always says, “I’m fine,” sometimes they are really bleeding inside. We talked about the fun stories with Feeney and friends – the library luncheon, the big squash, the Pepto-Bismol sexy maid service van that Feeney spray painted black resulting in her arrest, and one I forgot to mention – the time they showed up at the airport in furs dressed as the 1980s vixens from the television show, Dynasty. They laughed and cried together…they were each other’s pit crew. To deal with the loss and pain they decided the only way to heal was to hold their own funerals so the friends would know how they felt about each other while they were still alive, offering a new profound perspective of those they loved. Our responses to the question, “What would you want others to say at your funeral” followed a similar line of thinking – fun under most circumstances, enjoyed life, lived a long life, was a very supportive person, made a difference in the lives of others, loved well, was kind, a role model for children and hope that would pass down to the grands, had an extensive costume closet. We discussed Drew and Ali’s relationship and how he knew he couldn’t help her, so he stepped back, took care of the daily routines, and waited for her to find comfort in his arms. The words he spoke at Ali’s “mock funeral” were telling, “I saw her – both struggling and soaring, and I loved everything I saw.” We explored the differences in women’s and men’s friendships and asked if anyone recognized any red flags about Feeney’s impending suicide – she saved the Percocet, she clammed up about a reference to an incident about her grandfather, mourned not getting to say goodbye to her thirteen-year-old boyfriend, and the much covered up suicide attempt in high school which was only discovered after she died. We talked about suicide as a cry for help and viewed by many as a selfish act; the anger expressed by those left behind, how a person’s seemingly perfect life is not always as it seems; the depth of darkness and the pain so powerful it overtakes the person – a feeling like someone is holding you under water and you are gasping for air; how victims see themselves as a burden and taking their own life will be easier for the family if they are gone. We discussed how leaving a note as to why might give families some sense of closure; how devastating survivor guilt can be; the assisted suicide platform in Oregon and end-of-life hospice care options.
On a lighter note – and there were many in the novel – the escapades of the foursome from stakeouts to starfishing – wonder if we could make starfishing a Pinnacle activity – Amy?? And we talked about journaling and keepsakes that our families might not cherish as much as we have. We applauded Liddy at the end at her decision to kick Jack to the curb and reunite with her high school boyfriend. I envision the foursome minus one bonding even closer together and more cognizant of the fragility of life – cherishing the small moments alongside the big ones.
Here's a few snippets from the mock-funerals – tributes to the power of female friendships:
Of Max: “The friends were different because of her – weirder, better, and more alive.”
Of Ali: “She was the greatest gift of our lives, a sister they never had.”
Of Liddy, Feeney wrote, “Nobody ever loved me the way Liddy loves her kids. Love to my parents was a word, not an action. I died inside with every criticism.”
On the business side:
Many thanks to Bonnie, Kim, and Patsy for organizing the children’s library at the Forever Families home. Appreciate you representing Bookers and helping this worthwhile charity.
Bonnie Magee will be ordering the 2025 Monthly Planners – less than $5 each – and if you are interested, please email her with your order (bonniemagee@embarqmail.com) I’ve been a customer for years and they really do come in handy.
We voted to donate a $100.00 gift card from Bookish from our slush fund money to be part of a “reading basket” to be auctioned off at the PWC Women of Influence Gala. Jim Willi, author of four novels set in the Cedar Creek Lake area has donated autograph copies and I’ll be adding my novels to the basket as well. I also have a signed hardback copy of Marcus Zusak’s novel, Bridge of Clay to add as well. (Author of The Book Thief.) If you have anything that might be appropriate, let me know.
“Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.” Anne Frank
Happy Reading,
JoDee
